Theresa M Fanelli, Real Estate Agent serving Larchmont, New Rochelle

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Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

I just ignore it and remain professional. The less I engage, the more ridiculous they sound. 

May 05, 2016 10:36 PM
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

if it's over the phone, I hang up....when they call back, if the conversation resumes in the same fashion, I hang up again....eventually, they calm down and understand that I'm not participating in that....

no one dares talk to me like that when they're face to face.... I only wish it would happen!!!! 

May 05, 2016 11:34 PM
Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Realtor

I tell them that I expect to be dealt with a level of courtesy and professionalism or we have nothing to say to each other. I've been known to hang up the phone on agents who call back to were disconnected and I reply no I disconnected us. They get the message.

May 05, 2016 10:32 PM
Roy Kelley
Realty Group Referrals - Gaithersburg, MD

Be nice. You need to be able to cope with bad agents in this business.

May 05, 2016 10:30 PM
Peter Mohylsky. Broker Associate
Miramar Beach - Santa Rosa Beach, FL

My immediate response is "I am sorry you are having a bad day" it generally stops them in their tracks and makes them consider their next words more carefully. 

May 05, 2016 10:25 PM
Amanda Christiansen
Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843 - Fort Wayne, IN
Christiansen Group Realty

A hothead agent called me once screaming.  I hung up.  He called me right back screaming.  I hung up.  He called me back and asked why I kept hanging up.  "Because you're screaming at me.  If you want to chat, let's chat, otherwise I'm hanging up again."  

He was cool after that.  

I never take it personal.  If I had any feelings they would have been hurt, but I don't in these situations.  

May 06, 2016 12:26 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker - Fort Mohave, AZ
928-201-4BHC (4242) call/text

Beat their ass.
Stay above it all and keep a sense of humor.
This is their mud puddle. Step over it. The nastier they get, the quieter and more slowly I speak. Stand like mountain!

May 05, 2016 11:07 PM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Chicago, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Kill them with kindness so I am not tempted to smack them!

May 05, 2016 11:00 PM
Stephen Arnold
HomeSmart Elite Group - Scottsdale, AZ

Keep calm and carry on.  More often than not...agents forget that they are working in the best interest of their clients and NOT their own.  

May 05, 2016 11:20 PM
Harry Norman, REALTORS® - Atlanta, GA
Associate Broker

Stay cool, calm, and collected. 

May 05, 2016 11:15 PM
Gary L. Waters Broker Associate, Bucci Realty
Bucci Realty, Inc. - Melbourne, FL
Eighteen Years Experience in Brevard County

I am usually very nice, professional and on point. However, given the opportunity, I may slip in a tad of sarcasm. I am not perfect!

May 05, 2016 11:04 PM
Bob Crane
Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, EXP - Stevens Point, WI
Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671

I work very hard to always take the high road.

May 06, 2016 03:14 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate

Thick Skin has nothing to do with tolerating abuse, IMHO. I stand tall and speak strong and I tell whoever is being an ASS that I am not on this planet to be their punching bag. I've been known to hang up on people. I respect myself even if others don't. 

May 06, 2016 01:50 AM
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

I always remain cool, calm, and collected . . . until I hang up 

But I was in a closing one time when the other agent went crazy over something. The (experienced) closer never raised her voice but said, "Tom, it's obvious you forgot to take your meds this morning. Leave the room right now and don't come back until you have yourself under control." I was SO impressed! It worked 

May 06, 2016 01:05 AM
Shannon Woodward
Marysville, WA

I dealt with a very off-putting agent recently. While fielding multiple offers on one of my listings, this agent called and said, "Are you going to make me go back to my (bleeping) office to write this up, or can we do this the old-fashioned way on a napkin?" First, I don't remember ever writing a contract on a napkin. Secondly, crassness is not a good way to put your best foot forward. I told him (and I do hope my tone was as kind and professional as I intended) that I did need to see the offer in writing, which made him swear again. With evident impatience, he rattled off the particulars of his offer and he hung up. I was relieved when he called back a little later and told me to just go ahead and accept another offer and then let him know later if it falls apart.

I didn't have to deal with him long, and my client had several much better offers than the one he verbally gave me, but I know it would have been a very long five weeks had we gotten into contract together. He actually called again on another listing I had a few days later, and he was just as unpleasant. 

I agree with you, Theresa. No matter how difficult the other agent may be, I want my own demeanor to always remain professional and helpful.

May 06, 2016 12:57 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

I simply do not respond.  And, I consider the source.  Is this person worthy of my time?  Will this conversation move toward a positive outcome?  For the most part, like a toddlers tantrum, they get ignored.  If they persist I simply let them know I will be available when they feel they can act in a civilized manner.

May 05, 2016 11:58 PM
Gayle Barton, Forsyth County Real Estate
BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY Georgia Properties - Cumming, GA
Cumming GA Homes For Sale (404) 710-0204

Agreed.  I was recently faced with one of the rudest, most dishonest (out right lied to me face and dared me to call her a liar) agents I have come across in all my years. 

I won't stoop to their level, but when she said "This will make for a humorous story in my office"...  I did respond that it would be a story told in my office as well, but not a funy one.

In the end, it was my buyer who set her straight and said all of the things I was thinking.

May 05, 2016 10:53 PM
Theresa M Fanelli
Larchmont, NY
Real Estate Agent serving Larchmont, New Rochelle

Staying Cool, Calm and Collected. Love the feedback:) That's what we do.

May 05, 2016 10:51 PM
Annette Lawrence , Palm Harbor, FL 727-420-4041
ReMax Realtec Group - Palm Harbor, FL
Making FLORIDA Real Estate EZ

I smile. Never respond. Absolutely don't answer any question embedded in their nastiness. And wait.

Nasties WANT a reaction! Deny them their reward.

Eventually I may say "Your Momma taught you better."

May 05, 2016 10:32 PM
Chris Lima
Atlantic Shores Realty Expertise - Port St Lucie, FL
Local or Global-Allow me to open doors for you.

I am with Peter Mohylsky on this one. Sometimes, the agent may not even know that they are being "snippy" or maybe the agent is just having a bad day and then there's the others.............

May 05, 2016 10:32 PM
Chrissi Chapman Topoleski
Coldwell Banker Realty - Woodbridge, VA
Passionate about helping others achieve success!

I called an agent out on it. I asked her if there was a reason why she was so nasty to me and told her it was unacceptable. She was stunned, I don't think anyone had ever done it!

May 06, 2016 04:10 AM
Gabe Sanders
Real Estate of Florida specializing in Martin County Residential Homes, Condos and Land Sales - Stuart, FL
Stuart Florida Real Estate

Kind of depends how they are being nasty.  If they are being rude, I tell them to stop and if they don't I walk away or hang up the phone.  I don't need to put up with that kind of behavior. 

May 06, 2016 03:43 AM
Lyn Sims
RE/MAX Suburban - Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg Real Estate

Sometimes you have to fight back while up against the real estate bully. You're not only sticking up for you sometimes but your client too.

May 06, 2016 01:29 AM
LeAnn Sink - Realtor Knoxville, TN
United Real Estate Solutions - Knoxville, TN
#ThinkSink when you need an agent.

Thankfully, this has only happened ONCE to me.  All I said was, "when you're ready to have an adult conversation with me, call me back." Click.  He called back in 30 mins and he was nice! 

May 06, 2016 12:28 AM
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy


Let them have a field day shadow boxing with me.  They soon peter out and look stupid for doing that.  A

May 06, 2016 12:25 AM
Richie Alan Naggar
people first...then business Ran Right Realty - Riverside, CA
agent & author

Behind everything is a message. Some are clear while others are distorted. If not clear, ask questions. Then, make your comments as necessary.

May 06, 2016 12:15 AM
Michael Setunsky
Woodbridge, VA
Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA

Theresa M Fanelli You were taught right. If you say anything, you will only add fuel to the fire.

May 06, 2016 12:14 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Kill with kindness.   

May 06, 2016 12:09 AM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

I remain calm and professional and if it continues I would terminate the conversation. I like Peter Mohylsky 's approach. But it's so rare that I have had someone really get nasty

May 06, 2016 12:00 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
A moving experience!

I hung up on an agent who was "yelling" at me.  I asked her twice, very calmly, to please not yell at me.  The last time I told her if she continued to yell at me, I'd hang up.  And I did. 

She called back and said "we must have gotten disconnected", and I responded "No.. I hung up on you... I will not be yelled at."  I had to hang up on her a second time.

She was much calmer and more reasonable the second time she called back.

May 05, 2016 11:53 PM
Brenda J. Andrew
Professional Realtor in Corpus Christi, TX

I try to remain nice and professional.  I love what you call it-thick skinned agents.  

May 05, 2016 10:44 PM
Raymond E. Camp
Howard Hanna Real Estate Services - Ontario, NY
Licensed Real Estate Salesperson Greater Rochester

Staying calm cool and collected as not to lower ones standards to another's!

May 05, 2016 10:41 PM
Richard Weeks
Dallas, TX
REALTOR®, Broker

Treat them with kindness.

May 05, 2016 10:36 PM
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

you are right

May 05, 2016 10:34 PM
Anna Hatridge
R Gilliam Real Estate LLC - Farmington, MO
Missouri Realtor with R Gilliam Real Estate LLC

I tend to just listen to whatever they have to say and then ask "What is it you would like for me to do?"

May 06, 2016 06:02 PM
William Feela
Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No.

Lets just say they do it only once

May 06, 2016 01:37 PM
Ryan Huggins - Thousand Oaks, CA - Thousand Oaks, CA
Residential Real Estate and Investment Properties

I get as factual and unemotional as I can.  If it gets bad, I ignore them.

May 06, 2016 07:06 AM
Inna Ivchenko
Barcode Properties - Encino, CA
Realtor® • GRI • HAFA • PSC Calabasas CA

I'm sorry you feel that way. My guess.. It is not about them but about you. Be polite and professional and even the nastiest person will respect you. When I was a new agent, I felt probably the same, but it does not happens anymore( do not take me wrong, most agents still do not answer the phone/emails/texts but it is nothing personal). 

May 06, 2016 06:58 AM
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

It happens, but gladly I report it's rare.  And I'd almost prefer an angry call to the "clueless" or disengaged one.  Those put me at a total loss and are very frustrating ..


May 06, 2016 04:22 AM
Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC - Fort Collins, CO
Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate

Hi Theresa - My preferred response is to be professional and issue-focused, but I have limits, and I'll shut them down if I have to.

May 06, 2016 03:00 AM
Eve Alexander
Buyers Broker of Florida - Orlando, FL
Exclusively Representing ONLY Orlando Home Buyers

I took a fabulous class in negotiating once where they had people walk in with a sign on their hat..."Stupid", " Smart", "Lazy", "Insecure","Competent", etc.

The audiance had to treat the person by whatever was written on their hat...the hat wearer had to guess what was on their hat...that part was easy.

People treat you by the hat you are wearing or like you expect to be treated.  The only time I really had nasty agents was when I was green, and did not know better.

The more educated you get, the less "crap" you will get. Bullies are never smart and usually wrong about what they are saying.

Today, if somone was nasty, I would bite their head off and nip it in the bud quick.



May 06, 2016 02:10 AM
Richard Bazinet /MBA, CRS, ABR
West USA Realty - Scottsdale, AZ
Phoenix Scottsdale. Sellers, Buyers & Relocations

Take the high road! I call it superior thinking, superior attitude. Take a deep breath, and don't go for it - resist the temptation. Try not to react. Remain calm, speak slowly, minimize your words, remain courteous and professional, and you'll come out on top. Let them beg for forgiveness later on, especially if they made a fool of themselves, then you'll be in the driver's seat.

Once I purposely listened to an agent go on a temper tantrum that lasted an hour (speakerphone and I was working on something else) without me saying a single word, and when she ran out of words from the dictionary, she asked me if I was still on the phone. When I said yes, there was silence, I calmly asked her if she was done, and if it felt good..... LOL

May 06, 2016 12:55 AM
Teri Pacitto
Compass - Westlake Village, CA
Real Estate, Your Style...Your Home...My Specialty

I often wonder if Doctors, Lawyers, CPA's or any other professonal gets rude and angry with their collegues.  Just thinking out loud again!  

May 06, 2016 12:36 AM
Shirley Coomer
Keller Williams Realty Sonoran Living - Phoenix, AZ
Realtor, Keller Williams Realty, Phoenix Az

I don't often run into rude agents, however if face to face, I may allow a long pause and ask politely why they would say xxxxx.  Over the phone a long pause is also effective.  I would never be rude back, just be professional and continue.  I wouldn't want to do anything that could jeopardize my client's position (wouldn't want the other agent to tell their my client I was the issue).

May 06, 2016 12:02 AM
Jeanne Gregory
RE/MAX Southwest - Sugar Land, TX
The most important home I sell is YOURS!

Depends on what we are discussing when the nastiness appears.  If he/she is nasty from the beginning I try to say something like "ok, what is our objective here?  your seller has a home to sell and my buyer wants to buy.  Why make this difficult?"  If it continues, I will let them know that all future communication will be by email.  And I will share with my client (fiduciary responsibility) that the other side is trying to make it difficult.

May 05, 2016 11:49 PM
Michael J. Perry
KW Elite - Lancaster, PA
Lancaster, PA Relo Specialist

Hang up on them

May 05, 2016 11:26 PM
Jennifer Mackay
Counts Real Estate Group, Inc. - Panama City, FL
Your Bay County Florida Realtor 850.774.6582

I expect to be treated the same way I treat others - professionally!

Of you can't speak to me with control, call me back when you can!

May 06, 2016 09:15 PM
Tony Lewis
RE/MAX of Valencia (Hall of Fame) 30 year Valencia Resident - Valencia, CA
Summit Real Estate Santa Clarita & Aliso Viejo

Duck when they are around, avoid them when at all possible, get even when given the chance.

May 06, 2016 04:57 PM
James (Jim) Lawson, DBA LLC - Bonita Springs, FL
Broker Associate, RSPS, BPOR, HI & PE

I stop the rant by interrupting and tell them that I treat everyone with dignity and respect and expect the same back or this conversation is over. 

May 06, 2016 04:29 PM
Praful Thakkar
LAER Realty Partners - Andover, MA
Andover, MA: Andover Luxury Homes For Sale

Theresa M Fanelli - you got it right - be professional with thick skinned agents.

May 06, 2016 03:28 PM
Debbie Reynolds, C21 Platinum Properties
Platinum Properties- (931)771-9070 - Clarksville, TN
The Dedicated Clarksville TN Realtor-(931)320-6730

I would have to say something about that like we need to stay professional and not get snarky with our comments.

May 06, 2016 10:56 AM
Fred Hafdelin
Weichert Realtors - Mountain Lakes, NJ

I do the best I can to calm them down but if they get too far out of hand I will tell them to back up a few steps. Sometimes they really don't know they are being nasty until you tell them.

May 06, 2016 07:17 AM
Sandy Padula and Norm Padula, JD, GRI
HomeSmart Realty West & Lend Smart Mortgage, Llc. - Carlsbad, CA
Presence, Persistence & Perseverance

It all depends on the day I am having and whether Miss Nasty has any standing to be a bitch. My response could go either way. If I am wrong; I admit it, If an unwarranted attack; look out.

May 06, 2016 05:25 AM
Juan Lacayo
The Keyes Company - Westchester, FL
I know my neighborhood.

Hey Theresa M Fanelli, that is a great Question!.  The human thing to do is to engaged either directly, or indirectly.  When you engage directly, you fight your battle until it's clear who hass the bigger guns.  When you engage indirectly, you just give that person the benefit of the doubt give some space and then try a new approach.  However, the ethical thing to do is to protect our customer from our own emotions as a result of that Thick Skinned Agent behavior.  It's a very fragile line we all had  crossed at some point in our career.

May 06, 2016 04:46 AM
Eric Kodner
Madeline Island Realty - La Pointe, WI
CRS, Madeline Island Realty, LaPointe, WI 54850 -

There's no reason to put up with being bullied by some sociopath, even if it is another agent. Stand your ground and remember that there are options within your local Association board for modifying the behavior of people who don't know how to "play nice" with others.

May 06, 2016 01:55 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

There are so many ways to handle people like that but they all involve remaining calm.  It depends on the situation.  When someone is flying off the handle and I don't know what to say, I usually come up with a question.  "Really? Why do you say that?" is a great question.  You can, literally, go on for hours with just that response... or until they realize how ridiculous they are being. 

It's difficult to win an argument with an intelligent person, but it's impossible to win an argument with an idiot.  But, you can have a little fun in the process.  

May 06, 2016 01:51 AM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® e-Pro CRS RCS-D Vets
Big Block Realty 858.232.8722 - La Jolla, CA
& Host of Postcards From Success Podcast

I follow Peter Mohylsky 's comment too, then if they persist I call their broker. I often find if I ignore them and demosstrate they can't affect me, the tire of a child with a tantrum.

I have hung up on agents in the past and 2 extreme examples early in my career, I had driven to their offices and asked them "if they'd like to repeat that to my face." They are not so brave face to face. But, I was much younger then.

May 05, 2016 11:24 PM
David Gibson CNE, 719-304-4684 ~ Colorado Springs Relocation
Colorado Real Estate Advisers LLC - Colorado Springs, CO
Relocation, Luxury & Lifestyle residential



I try to nip it in the bud by asking why they are acting that way. I find that when you call people on their behavior and hold them accountable they are less likely to do it.

May 14, 2016 10:22 AM
Jim Joeriman
Coldwell Banker Riviera Realty, Inc - Lacey Township, NJ
Helping Agents Reach New Heights

I picture them wearing a big red clown nose and continue as if their behavior is professional.  I check the emotion that wants me to engage them.

May 13, 2016 09:01 PM
Sally K. & David L. Hanson
EXP Realty 414-525-0563 - Brookfield, WI
WI Real Estate Agents - Luxury - Divorce

If there is screaming answer is ...when you can talk in a civiized tone, please call or keep the communication to email. If it continues there is always the Broker...kindness is not always able to applied when you pick up the phone to screaming and yelling.

May 12, 2016 10:52 AM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Do not let them get away with it or it will be a long transaction.  Explain to them that thanks for their opinion but you will take it into consideration.

May 10, 2016 11:50 PM
Deb Dahlberg - Rowland
Hart Land Real Estate - La Grange, TX
Deb Sells Texas!

I try to smile and respond as politely as I can.  But if they are out of line I will tell them in the nicest way possible! 

May 08, 2016 04:16 AM
Joan Cox
House to Home, Inc. - Denver Real Estate - 720-231-6373 - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - Selling One Home at a Time

I agree with Barbara, if it is via phone, it starts to be only via email.  Life is too short! 

May 08, 2016 12:10 AM
Sam Shueh
(408) 425-1601 - San Jose, CA
mba, cdpe, reopro, pe

It does not happen except in lower income neighborhoods.

I tell them if they try to say something like your listing is not in good neighborhood it still shows as active after 3 weeks. We will give you a low ball offer. My team will not help you get the next home if you do not act professionally. They will behalve.

For hot headed I tell them I work in a law firm. They hang up or become rational. 

May 07, 2016 02:55 PM
Sandra Steele
Wise Choice Properties, Sedona/Verde Valley Branch - Cottonwood, AZ
Integrity, Knowledge - 37 Years of Experience!!!

I have had that experience and I try to be polite but I do adhear to the code of ethics; also if the other agent continues to be nasty - contact their broker and explain the situation.

May 07, 2016 09:59 AM
Mary Yonkers
Alan Kells School of Real Estate/Howard Hanna Real Estate - Erie, PA
Erie/PA Real Estate Instructor

Great Q and great A's.  Thanks for the discussion.

May 07, 2016 08:21 AM
Linda Metallo DiBenardo
RE/MAX Impact, Lockport, Illinois - Lockport, IL

I'm with you Theresa, respond with kindness and be professional.  

May 07, 2016 03:16 AM
Raul Rodriguez
Covenant Partners Realty - San Antonio, TX
Looking out for the client's interest and not my p

There are a lot of agents in San Antonio so chances are good that something like that may happen. I have not experienced any and  I am glad that I haven't.

May 06, 2016 10:17 PM
Susan Laxson CRS
Palm Properties - La Quinta, CA
Local Knowledge & Global Network

More often now, I just let them have their drama and quietly try to resolve the issue when they are done. Kind and professional works!

May 06, 2016 10:07 PM
Olga Simoncelli
Veritas Prime, LLC dba Veritas Prime Real Estate - New Fairfield, CT
CONSULTANT, Real Estate Services & Risk Management

"Let's agree to disagree and try this again when you're feeling better"?

May 06, 2016 09:30 PM
Lynn B. Friedman CRS Atlanta, GA 404-939-2727
Atlanta Homes ODAT Realty - Love our Great City - Love our Clients! Buckhead - Midtown - Westside - Atlanta, GA
Concierge Service for Our Atlanta Sellers & Buyers

Theresa M Fanelli 
You certainly started a positive conversation here - thanks. I appreciated all the comments. Just spent three weeks moving to the high road in every interaction with the agent on the other side. Glad it is over. Lynn

May 06, 2016 07:36 PM
Cesar Bautista
Keller Williams Realty Central Coast ~ Pismo Beach - Santa Maria, CA
Your Central Coast Area Realtor 805.264.1646

It's never easy to be on the receiving end, especially since if  I'm displeased or annoyed by another agents actions or comments.  This is my respond goal.  1) Actively Listen  2) Try to understand their concerns  3) Offer possible solutions and clarify any misunderstandings, apologize if needed.    

May 06, 2016 12:02 PM
Tony and Suzanne Marriott, Associate Brokers
Serving the Greater Phoenix and Scottsdale Metropolitan Area - Scottsdale, AZ
Haven Express @ Keller Williams Arizona Realty

"Sounds like you are confused - let's ask your broker what they think"!! 

May 05, 2016 11:20 PM